She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
