Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i came on her dog
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
