Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
