In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
