if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
