is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
