I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize