I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
