just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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