you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Drake has all the answers
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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