In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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