Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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