Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Found your dick twin last night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
