I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
