you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
