Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
