Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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