I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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