Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
