how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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