it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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