It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
