That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
