is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
