I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
