I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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