I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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