it was like his penis was on wheels.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
