what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
