He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
