Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
