i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
