have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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