i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sarcasm needs its own font
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
