Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize