am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
