What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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