The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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