My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
