Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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