i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize