ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
