You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
