We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
