she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize