ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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