Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
