I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
