I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just found a bag of teeth...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
