It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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