Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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