i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
