a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
