My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
