I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
