It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
