Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This show inspires me to have sex in space
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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