I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
