i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
