FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
