If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
