I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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