Kiss
Puke
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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