I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize