im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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