did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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