I got chris browned last night
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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