I didn't shave. On purpose
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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