Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
