Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
