he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
