Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
