I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
