i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
