Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
